wat bout pragnant strippers??
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
