so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
