Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
