The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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