There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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