What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
