I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Randomize
