Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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