she was so not down for the gang bang
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
