Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
