Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize