I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
