so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize