My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
