ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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