You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
