She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
