you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
