I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I have peed in a lot of sinks
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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