i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
