textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize