We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
