PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
