go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
