'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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