I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize