I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
it glows. i had to have it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
