i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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