I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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