PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
