I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
