This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
