so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
