There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Two words: blizzard sex
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
