dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
