is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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