Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
