My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
