Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
