6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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