ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
