I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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