i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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