There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
