What a fucking waste of an outfit
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
