we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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