I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
