i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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