I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My penis needs a shock collar
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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