CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
