I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
