what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
