3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
