I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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