I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She even gives head with a lisp.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
