Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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