So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
