How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
