The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the day after is always just damage control
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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