Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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