Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
