Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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