I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
