I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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