If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I want a musical about memes.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize