For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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