Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
