YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
