people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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