She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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