i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
