oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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