i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize