Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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