We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
tell me about the eggs
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