My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
