i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
