last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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