He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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