I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Vodka?
Forever.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize