Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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