Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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