He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize