I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
