You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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