looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
