I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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