my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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