just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Randomize
