Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
