I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
