this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
