my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
