we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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