I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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