She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
