Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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