i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
