i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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