so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
