im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
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