my mouth tastes like poor choices
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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